The lonely man
by mirsch
Summary: The night that Casey found Hallie in the fire, Boden was looking out for Casey as best as he could. This is my first fanfic ever. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.


'She's his girl' Shay gasped and Boden knew Casey wasn't going to come out until he had Hallie in his arms. The building was going to collapse soon and Boden wanted his men out of there now. Boden kept calling his name, hoping to snap him out of his impossible mission and have him come out. Severide was with him and hopefully he could convince him to come out before the building would collapse. Every second neither of his lieutenants responded to his pleas for an update, felt like hours.

After about 2 minutes the lieutenants came out, carrying Hallie between them to the ambulance. As Dawson was doing the initial examination, Casey almost threw off his oxygen tank 'I'm comin''. His eyes wide as saucers and clearly scared. Dawson looked at her chief, with a certain despair in her eyes. Boden let Casey go, knowing Casey needed to be close to Hallie and took over for him leading truck 81 to put out the fire.

The next time Boden saw Casey he was at the hospital. 'Any news?' Boden asked quietly as the firefighters of house 51 sat down in the small waiting area in the hospital. Casey just shook his head, looking at his chief in hopes of some kind of security. Boden gave him a reassuring nod and lay his hand on Casey's tense shoulders.

Hours past without any news, save for the one time a doctor came in to tell them "they were doing their best". Casey was pacing, playing with the turnout gear he was still wearing. He kept flashing his chief glances, probably hoping for guidance, but Boden didn't know how to respond to those looks, so he would look Casey in the eye giving him quiet nods and encouragement, but it didn't comfort Casey even a little. Boden was silently praying Hallie was alright. Casey had been through enough as it was, losing his fiancee didn't need to be added to that list.

At last the doctor, who had talked to them before, came out. He didn't make his way to Casey, so Casey nervously walked over, after giving Boden a hopeful, but also scared look. Boden could only guess what was going around in the young lieutenant's head. Boden signed in the rest of the group, that there was news. They all came to stand next to him. Casey and the doctor were just out of earshot so Boden watched Casey carefully. As they were talking he saw Casey's already pale face go as white as a sheet, just before he collapsed in the doctor's arms, crying and sobbing. It was weird seeing Casey lose control over his emotions like this. Boden had seen his red anger, his way of exploding when triggered. Crying wasn't really something Casey did, except for that one time when Darden died right in front of him. Boden had gone to Casey's house to check on him a couple of days after the incident, they had talked a little and some tears had slipped over his cheeks. Maybe the past year with all its pain was catching up with Casey. The doctor was struggling to keep Casey upright, since he was just leaning against his chest. As Casey kept crying uncontrollably, Peter Mills stepped up to comfort him. He took Casey in his arms and just held him.It kind of surprised Boden that Casey let himself be comforted this way. He wouldn't let anyone close to him after Andy died, every year when the time came around that his dad had died or his mother's parole hearing. He just wouldn't let anyone comfort him and now that he did, Boden knew Hallie's death had hit him hard.

At some point Mills managed to get Casey into a chair in the waiting room, still sobbing, still hiding his face in the candidate's jacket. Boden had sent most of the men and women of house 51 back, since shift was about to end. Now it was just Peter Mills, Severide and Boden in the waiting room, trying to calm Casey down. After the sobbing subsided the panic attack kicked in and Casey's breathing was ragged. 'What am I gonna do?' 'She can't be…' 'No no, she can't be…' Casey kept repeating these sentences gasping and out of breath. Eventually the nurse came over and administered a light sedative to calm Casey down. As Casey zoned out completely Boden sent Mills home. 'Hey, Matt, you okay?' Severide asked the other lieutenant, but didn't get any kind of response to his question. Severide tried a couple of more times to get Casey's attention, but the other lieutenant didn't respond at all as he was currently trapped in his own mind, his eyes fixed on the wall behind them. Severide shot his chief a worried look. Boden decided to try another way.

'Lieutenant Casey' he said. 'Yes chief' Casey responded eyes snapping towards his chief. 'It's time to leave now' Boden said in a soft but commanding voice. Casey nodded and let himself be helped to his feet as they walked out of the hospital to Boden's car. Boden and Severide helped Casey into the front seat of the car, while Severide sat in the back to keep an eye on Casey, as Boden was driving to Casey's place. Casey kept nodding off and waking up again during the 15 minute ride to his place. He probably was completely exhausted after the night he had. A lot had happened to Casey in the last year, he had lost one of his best friends, was left by his fiancee after having been together for 8 years, saw his mother come out of jail after serving 15 years for killing his father. Hell, he had been threatened by a dirty cop, got beaten up because of that.

He had rekindled his relationship with Hallie just a couple of weeks ago and for the first time in weeks Boden had seen his lieutenant smile. It had been a rough year for the young lieutenant and Boden was happy to see at least some of the burden lifted from Casey's shoulders, but it all came tumbling down on him now. Hallie hadn't made it through the night and Casey was in a million pieces because of it.

When they pulled up at Casey's house, Casey was only half awake. 'Lieutenant Casey, get out of the car' Boden ordered in the same gentle voice he had used in the hospital. Casey just nodded this time and clambered out of the car, aided by Severide. The house was clean and organized, which Boden expected from Casey. He was still wearing his turn out gear, so Severide started to get that off him after he had sat Casey down on the couch. Casey was so tired he could barely move anymore and let Severide handle the gear, Boden decided he should get a pillow and a blanket for Matt, because getting him to his bed wasn't going to work. After the gear had come off Severide gently pushed Casey back into the couch, Boden had provided him with a pillow and Severide spread out the blanket over Casey's already sleeping form. 'I'll stay here tonight' Severide stated as he sat down in the big leather chair opposite the couch. Boden nodded ' Do you think we should call someone?' Boden asked thinking about whom they could call for lieutenant. 'Who?' Severide asked. Boden felt like he had just been kicked in the gut as he realised Matt didn't really have anyone outside of the house. 'I'll check his emergency contacts' Boden said eventually leaving his two lieutenants in Casey's house.

When Boden arrived at the house third watch was listening carefully to Hermann who was telling them what had happened last night. 'How's Casey, Chief?' they asked wide eyed and fairly concerned. 'He's havin' a hard time of it, that's for sure'' Boden answered curtly. The men nodded and went quiet. 'Will you let us know if we can do anything, chief?' One of the men asked and Boden nodded in return. He went into his office, asking Conny for Casey's emergency contact list. While Conny was looking for the list, Boden wondered whose numbers he would find. He couldn't imagine that he had written down his mother's details, but maybe his sister's? Boden didn't really know about friends outside the CFD, but then again Casey was a quiet and private guy.

Hermann came into his office holding the emergency contact list he was given by Conny before he came in. 'Hi Chief' he said 'here's the list you asked for' giving it to Boden without looking at it. 'How is he?' Hermann asked. Boden sighed 'well you saw him'. 'Yeah, you think he's gonna get through this?' Hermann asked. Boden hadn't thought about that question. 'I honestly don't know about that' Boden said as he let out a breath he had apparently been holding. 'We'll keep an eye on him, Chief. Cindy and I were planning on making him some food, so he don't have to think 'bout that' Hermann said, determined to help his lieutenant through this. Boden looked at the list and felt a lump in his throat when he saw the names. 'What is it, Chief?' Hermann asked and Boden gave him the list. Hermann puffed out a breath as he saw the names too. Hallie Thomas and Andy Darden.


End file.
